The Crapzzz
Sigh, another day of hols and i dunno wad to do. Went back to Zhenghua today. Noticed dat most of my classmates had changed so so much- In their looks, size, height etc... Pple thought i changed the most though... Saw my ex-crush who left ZH in pri4 just now. She didn't change much but she sorta give me the "U changed alot look". Blah... Can't be bothered.
I dunno if i had made the correct choice; I don't want it to happen. Leaving seems to be the only way to make u happier. Guess wad, i once made a promise to the full moon... On 30th Aug... That if i ever hurt ur feelings, i wud leave u... I wanted you to do a favour for me yesterday, to ignore Brayan- For he's always giving u additonal stress... If lev found out anything, she wud blame you. All this contributed to ur temperamental mood, yar, dat was wad i thought. I guess I'm always wrong... Wad i hopefully plan for you all went down the drain. We might be enjoying ourselves playing sparkles right now when u're reading this. U might received your 1st rose ever tmr. HAHA, it didn't work... Perhaps leaving you is the best, perhaps it's my best ever decision- a decision that can cheer u up. After thinking abt it, u probably treat me as a friend, i doubt there's any feelings at all. U never ever care about my feelings... I dunno... I really dunno... My mind is in a blank...
The necklace has a new meaning...
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/31/2004 03:22:00 PM
My body is failing... From top to bottom. I can't really hear that since the trip to korea, leading to my "huh?". My eye sight is always blur at night. My heart aches more nowadays, making it hurtful for me to move. My right side of my chest hurts for no reason, and it hurts today. My knee joints are injured. It's torturous for dat to happen to me...
Another thing dat i should change, talk more... Realised dat i became very quiet after -dat- and my mind's kinda blank. Need inspiration to stir back my thoughts. Didn't meant to make u feel bored, disappointed or angry today... I added dat quietness into my long list of wad to change, so that this wun ever happen again. Dun be angry le... m feeling bad dat i didn't make this day special, instead i make it worse... Cheer up dear... Blame me and vent your anger on me ba...
Sorry...
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/29/2004 07:25:00 PM
Just changed my blog's layout. Ahh, can anyone teach me how to add pic? Been into the crappy mood nowadays and i just keep going on and crap. Started admiring landscapes-froms stars to forests to clouds... Haha, the stars remind me of someone alot because of something. =) Sugar, thanks for understanding me these few days. Am sore over my TA3 results. If i passed my science, i can get top 5!!! Waa... Gotta work much harder for eoys... Dat's all...
~Wishing upon a star...~
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/27/2004 09:59:00 PM
Thursday, August 19, 2004
I just saw your blog... I guess the mess you're refering to is getting back into a relationship, rite? Okay, i guess u would prefer a breakup? Nevermind... You don't have to mind about me. Just tell me that. I would be able to bear the hurt since i had already bear it once. Just tell me if you would prefer life to like that.
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/19/2004 02:59:00 PM
I shudn't have make u angry and i shudn't have let u get the wrong idea. I really want to be together again but i dun wan u to have any regrets. I dunno how to explain to u last nite so dat u wun get the wrong idea but u did. Sry, my heart tells me dat i dun wanna see u hurt again. Please, think carefully if u wud regret being together if u feel hurt in future, k? Can u give me an answer? No matter wad, i wan to let u knw dat i'm dying to return to u... I love u. I love u alot... Give me an answer.
Sry for giving u the wrong idea last nite for i didn't meant to... I just care too much.
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/15/2004 09:52:00 AM
It's all my fault, dear, so u dun have to feel bad or anything. U're the bestest best girlfriend i could have. U devoted so much in this relationship and i really never meant to hurt you by smsing or asking you to go out all the time. Sry, perhaps greed came into me. I dun feel hurt le so u dun have to feel bad. We could love each other much better if we were to start again in future... I knw dat there's still feelings for me but dun let it fade for the time being, k? Give me time to start anew. All the stuff i could have done, i didn't. I knew when u need comfort but i didn't gave any. I dun need a gf who wud always be there for me, it's just dat i miss you too much... Sry for hurting you so much. I knew wad finally went wrong. I will still love you and u dun have to make any promises, so i guess dat's gd for both of us right now... Can you give me time to try loving you the way i am, to love you wifout causing you hurt? Please wait for me, k?
Dun give up on me...
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/10/2004 09:17:00 AM
I dunno wad to live on for right now... She left me. Perhaps i live for a day when she would come back to me. It's like the only reason for me to live on for now. The pain is graudally killing me, a pain of remorse, hurt blended together. I really want to try this whole thing again, when u still have abit of feeling for me. I dunno if u did love me before for u do not look sad at all. Probably the happy moments aren't happy enough for they don't stick inside you. Thoughts of happy moments only bring me hurt, for losing you... Perhaps i'm selfish, i wanna try this whole thing again now and i dun care if u still got feelings for me. Please, if there's feelings for me, please try this again... Dat's wad i live for. I always feel dat we would last... We would last till my bufdae, last till next yr valentine, last till next yr concert. I thought this year would be my happiest bufdae, but it dun seem so now. No matter wad, celebrating with a "friend" and a "girlfriend" is completely different. All the promise we made, I dun feel lyk breaking them. I had no regrets at all for my devotion was because i feel this would last. I would prefer highs and lows in a relationship. I would mind the hurt again if u do return... I dunno... I really want you... I still love you. I cried my eyes sore and i dun feel lyk crying again. I'm just letting the hurt confine in me, slowly killing me. i felt lyk biting my lips, to make it bleed... Perhaps my entry dun make sense, perhaps my letter too. Please... I want to try this again...
Longing for the day when you would dare to try this again...
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/09/2004 10:15:00 AM
The pain is killing me... I'm getting sick of crying and the sorrows and anger are just stuck within me. Sad dat u didn't told me when u stop loving me, dat it ended like this. Angry at myself for devoting myself so much in this love, which seems hopeless in ur mind. Perhaps you dun feel anything abt breaking up, perhaps you dun even feel anything for me b4. Perhaps you were using me all this while to forget him. Frm wad lev said, u still got feeling. I promise you a meet cause i feel dat there could be chance. Why did u tell me dat u got no feelings for me today when the reason you told me last night was dat you dun wanna hurt me. It's two complete thing. I dunno... I'm just stuck to you, i dun feel lyk loving anymore for this year, perhaps the whole of secondary life, perhaps till i grown mature... I dunno about you, if i left any impact on you. I supposed you wun mind loving sum1 else, i supposed. I really devoted myself in this love which i thought wud last. Perhaps i'm just a pathetic lover, dat's why ur feeling faded... I dunno if there's anything on life for me to live on for, for i once live for you... The pain is killing me, slowly torturing me. I wanted to attempt suicide but i could not bring myself to it. My heart belongs to you- play with it, destory it or do wadeva you want for all i care. I wun stop loving you for the rest of this yr, the remaining 145 days. If the impact is still there, i might probably live the next 3yrs hoping you would come back to me. Perhaps my letter dun make any sense to you, Perhaps you felt nth when u left me, Perhaps we weren't meant for each other... Wad crap m i talking abt, i wud love you wif the hope of you coming back to me one day. I really need you, probably i'm just addicted to you. I dunno... Gd luck in ur next love life... No matter what, best wishes. If ur heart tells you to start again, just start... I promise dat i wud love you till i dunno when but it wud surely be later than the year 2004. Just dun lie to yourself... Bye and take care...
Longingly missing you... I dunno if i could stand up again.
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/08/2004 05:07:00 PM
The pain is overwhelming, like pieces of broken glass piercing into my heart. For once, i really felt the pain of being "heartbroken". Please, dun leave me... Give us a chance to continue this relationship. If it turns out to be lyk this again, i wud be willing to just end it. Please, just give me another chance. I dunno when i last sob but yesterday was perhaps the worst. I woke up today, and started sobbing again. Tears are swelling in my eyes. Blame me for being a crybaby. I really dun wanna lose you. I believe wad you said last nite was just excuses, for me to leave you. I know you feel very bad, very confused for causing dat much tension between us but wad done is done. I really dun wan to regret losing you... Wad u said abt not really loving me hurt my heart, probably i find you lying to yourself. U told me last time to think abt whether do you love me. I thought about it and i really find dat u're devoted in this relationship. The hurt u caused me probably comes from me nt bearing to see you sad or my insensitive thinking, my out of this world thinking. It wasn't your fault for i hurt you too. I dunno, perhaps you need some time to think over it again, for you were probably confused last nite. I dun wan you to regret anything. Both of us fear a breakup, doesn't we? When i sorta told you dat there was this breakup thought in my mind, didn't you felt hurt and wanna save it. We been through so much, please don't let that stop us in this love. I can see dat u're really devoted in this love and you never hurt me intentionally. It's just me who is too emotional. I really dun wanna lose you... Please just stay by me, for we do have feelings for each other. Don't use dat excuse dat u dun love me for my heart tells me you do. Give each of us a chance to be together again. If it just dun turn out right, i wud automatically get out of this. Please, make it fair for both of us... Please, think about it again... U dun have to give me any answer now. Please... Give me, or give each other a chance... Please...
Tears clouded my eyes... Perhaps i'm going blind... Things looked so blur...
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/08/2004 07:59:00 AM
Saturday, August 07, 2004
Jay's new album is mainly based on the theme of love... Strangly, i'm addicted to the sad songs more. They seem to be more meaningful. 藉口 keep on ringing in my mind. The lyrics are sad but i find it meaningful. It represent my thoughts when i heard it last nite. There was tears swelling up in my eyes when i first heard it. “也許妳已經放棄我 也許已經很難回頭“, “就算是我不懂 能不能原諒我“ and “如果難過 請妳忘了我“ seems to have a great impact on me, for i felt this way. I can almost rmb the whole song. I suddenly got lots of questions to ask you, perhaps i wun have any chance to ask you that. 1wk seems so short yet a day seems so long. Shud take this time trying to sort things out and concentrate on other stuff... I really hope that u're in a good mood now for wadeva reason, for that would be enough for me to leave you alone with peace...
Trying to.......
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/07/2004 05:41:00 PM
I had straighten out my thoughts, through hours... I searched back my past. I was obsessed by you once but not now. Every thoughts i had come wif an reason in mind. I dunno if u wud believe me but i meant to give u a surprise 2day, to apologise for the the anger i caused... I doubt u would believe me. No matter wad, i KNW that i love u. It's just a matter of how much. Please trust me... I swear that inside my heart, i know i still love u.
I aren't crying... I'm trying to be strong again. The next 7days, i would search through my mind once again, determine how much i really love u. Take care...
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/06/2004 04:33:00 PM
Sigh... How i long that i cud go back to the past... Maybe just a mth b4... Everything seems as if they had changed. How i wish we cud be the same b4, ignoring any scars or bruises that we got on our way. Thoughts wif sad possibly running through my head. Is there anything wrong with me? With eyes closed, problems flood... Isit just my imagination or wad? I felt a change in you... If i'm still mentally alright. Nvm, probably i shud just get on wif life... Maybe it's just the aftershock of the surprise, geez i do not knw wad's wrong...
~Tearing silently into the night...~ Dun let it happen, plz dun...
IcyRoy took a breath on 8/02/2004 03:05:00 PM